I am visiting my family down south and tonight my mother, her friend from Toronto and myself went for sushi. On the way into the restaurant I noticed a few doors down the stone slab ice cream store.
Have you ever had the ice cream from these places. It is so rich and decadent.
So I had decided that I was going to have this one time treat..just a small one, in a cup.
By the time I finished the sushi I was full, so when the other two suggested we go for ice cream I asked them if they weren't full from sushi - we had shared a huge boat. Both my mother and her friend said they were full, but they would still eat the ice cream.
But I was full, what was the point of eating more food...not hunger?
Then it must be just a craving.
Is this what I wanted to do?
No!!!
So we took a pass on the ice cream.
BUT, I am a little disappointed with a conversation with my cousin S. I was joking with her about our being heavy. She's had a few medical complications in her life and has gained a lot of weight. Cousin S has two very slim sisters - and a very slim mother, who is always extremely critical of S's lack of willpower to lose weight and is always mentioning it to her.
What is with well intentioned mothers - as if we don't know that we are overweight.
We are overweight not stupid and blind.
The reason I'm disappointed in myself is I know that you are supposed to think positively about yourself and not put yourself down. So why did I start making fun of the fact that we are the heavy ones of the family. I will have to think about that one!
This is not really a pleasure trip.
My oldest cousin L is 61 yrs old and has terminal cancer. Not living in the same country I only see my relatives about once a year, and I really wanted to come and see cousin L before it was too late.
It's sad.
We are supposed to be going over to L's house tomorrow, but she took a turn for the worse today and is now in constant hospice care at home. Hospice care only starts at the very end of life.
I'll call her in the morning and if she still feels like seeing us, then we will go.
What do you say to someone who is dying?
Do you just go and sit with them, say nothing?
Is it okay to cry in front of them?
I will go and just be there for her, that is all I can do!
Maybe tomorrow I will feel like having some of the ice cream - but I feel strongly about myself and my ability to pass on these useless emotional crutches - I will need to try and visualize that scale with all the butter on it...do I really want it to start tipping back the other way. That ice cream is probably one full block of butter!
Time to go...long day tomorrow - meeting one cousin and her daughter for lunch in Ft Lauderdale, then going to see the sick cousin and her two sisters in North Miami and then going to another cousins for dinner at their place in South Miami Beach- and after all that we then come back to my brothers in Boca.
That's about it...pat on the back for skipping the ice cream.
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